Without Pain We Wouldn't Know Love
by cupcakesandlovefests
Summary: After noticing marks on Quinn's arm Rachel wants to be there for her but the confrontation turns into a whole lot more. Faberry as always you know the drill.


"What are you doing?"

"Nothing"

They both know she answered far too quickly.

Rachel sighs.

"Quinn, please know that I'm here for you" she says as the blonde tries desperately not to look her in the eyes, if she does she knows she'll drown in that warm brown that makes her melt.

"Thanks" she murmurs softly.

She feels like she's falling and when she looks down to see Rachel's tan hand gently touching her pale arm its like her heart is rattling behind her ribcage and her very being is trembling.

"I know" is all the girl whispers.

"What are you-" Quinn doesn't get the chance to say anything else as the brunette gently slides her cardigan up her arm exposing the two angry red lines etched there.

"Don't" the blonde tries to hiss but fails, sounding as ashamed and broken as she feels.

Rachel gently runs her fingers over the marks in a way that's not pitying or condescending, just caring.

"Please tell me these are the only ones" Rachel whispered as she stared Quinn right in the eyes.

They were the only two. She'd never lost control like that before, and it was all because of Finn and _her_.

"They're the only ones, I swear"

"Oh Quinn, why?" and now the blonde can see that Rachel's eyes are filling up.

She doesn't know how to answer; instead she reaches forward wiping away a tear that has escaped the other girl's eye.

"Quinn?" Rachel urges.

She shakes her head and pulls away from the brunette's warm touch.

"I..I can't, Rachel. I just..I don't"

The room is spinning slightly and her chest is pounding painfully, she holds a hand over it as she tries to control her breathing.

"Quinn" Rachel says in a worried voice that breaks her heart, "are you having a panic attack?"

The blonde manages to nod before clinging to the bathroom sink so hard that her knuckles start to change colour.

Suddenly there's a warm hand at her back and another stroking her left hand, trying to get her to loosen her grip.

"It's okay, Quinn" Rachel tells her soothingly, "I'm here, just keep taking deep breaths. Good girl you're doing well"

Tears are blurring Quinn's vision by this point, she'd done nothing but try to tear this girl down and yet here she was again complimenting her and keeping her going.

"I don't deserve you being here" she croaks out.

"Nonsense" Rachel says softly as she tucks a stray strand of blonde short locks behind the taller girl's ear.

"Please stop being nice to me, it makes everything so much worse"

The brunette stops her circular motions on her back, she looks at her thoughtfully.

"What do you mean?" she asks.

Quinn shakes her head again.

"Quinn, please let me help you. Please"

She looks to the diva with her wet brown eyes and her stomach jumps.

"I want to understand" she says as her small hand wraps around a pale wrist.

"Rachel"

"Let me in, Quinn" she whispers pleadingly.

"I can't" Quinn manages to rasp, "I want to but..I just can't do this to you. You need to leave me alone, Rachel. Please"

"I'm not going anywhere, you need someone and I'm that someone"

Tears are falling down the blonde's cheek now.

"Don't say that, god do not say that" she sobs openly.

"Why? Because it's the truth?" Rachel asks softly.

Quinn scoffs.

"You don't know ANYTHING about the truth" she yells, "you know nothing about me"

"Why do you think I try so damn hard, Quinn?" Rachel yells back, "I care about you"

"Don't say that!" the blonde screeches almost hysterically before burying her head in her hands.

"Do you know what it's like to watch the one you want be with another person?" she says so quietly Rachel almost misses it.

"Quinn" she sighs, "I'm sorry if seeing Finn and I together hurts you but I can't help that he chose me over-"

"I'm not talking about Finn!" she shouts before laughing halfheartedly, "my god for a smart girl you really aren't too bright sometimes"

And as the blonde stares right at her getting lost in those familiar brown orbs it's as if a light bulb goes on in Rachel Berry's head and everything suddenly makes sense.

Quinn takes a deep breath as she feels more vulnerable than ever, there's no going back now.

"Me?" Rachel says in awe.

She nods.

"Yes, you"

"But-"

"But what, Rach?" Quinn sighs. "Quinn Fabray isn't gay? What straight girl do you know that draws pornographic pictures of you in great detail? Oh wait me. Who stops her boyfriends from touching her? Me again. Who was so obvious that she might as well have been throwing rocks at you in a playground? Bingo, me.

Rachel runs a hand through her hair as she looks at the taller girl thoughtfully.

"I..this is..it's a lot to process" the brunette tells her honestly, Quinn chuckles.

"You don't have to say anything, I get it. At least now you know, right?" she says as she pushes away from the ledge she was leaning on.

"Quinn don't" Rachel sighs, "please don't shut me out, I just..it's hard for me to understand why a girl like you would ever want well..me"

The blonde rolls her eyes.

"If you're going to make this about popularity, Rachel, let me remind you that we're both in Glee club, I'm no longer a cheerleader and you're dating the school's quarterback"

"It's not just the popularity" Rachel says nervously smoothing a non existent crease in her skirt, "you're beautiful in a way that I can't even describe, Quinn. I'm just an average girl and you're like the Grace Kelly of Mckinley High"

She shakes her head.

"Why do you all make me so much more than I am? I'm just a girl, that wants..you"

Rachel blushes.

"I can't understand why" she admits.

"You're beautiful" Quinn shrugs, "not in an obvious way but in your own way, which is even better. Every time you sing I feel so much its hard to contain it, when you see the good in me after everything it makes my insides shake and god Rachel, you're so special and one of a kind you make my heart want to burst through my chest, okay?"

The brunette turned a darker shade of pink and blinked at the girl's admissions.

"You unhinge me" she sighed, "it sounds so cheesy and fucking cliché but you do. I know you've never wanted to be anything other than my friend but you needed to know this, it kills me seeing you with him knowing you have no clue and..why are you not talking at all?"

Rachel Berry quiet? No, something wasn't right.

"Please say something" Quinn pleaded, "I've said **so** much"

The diva shuffled her feet awkwardly before turning her attention away from her shoes and back to the blonde whose words had hit her like a freight train.

"I never in a million years dreamed I'd ever hear anything like that come from you" she sighed before running a hand through her hair.

"I know, I'm sorry I-"

"Don't be" Rachel told her before looking to her, her tongue darting out to nervously wet her lips.

"I just..I dreamt about it so many times but never actually thought it would happen. I know I'm with Finn and perhaps this isn't right while I'm still dating him but..i've always wanted you, Quinn. You tortured me which I now understand on some level and yes you were wrong, but I was in the wrong too because a part of me liked it. Because it meant you'd noticed me, you went out of your way to bully me and it made me feel special, how fucked up is that?" she sighed before continuing.

"Once you joined Glee I thought things might change, and they did obviously for very different reasons but that's why I tried so hard to be your friend. Because being your friend was so much better than being nobody, and after your pregnancy I'd of gladly welcomed being your target again but that didn't happen. It changed you, Quinn, naturally, yet we weren't friends. We were still blurring some non existent line and it annoyed me to death. You'd never liked me, as far as I knew, yet here we were in one another's company day in day out yet you still never became my friend. And you know as well as I do I like a challenge, so I kept on trying. And going after Finn became my go to because it got a reaction out of you. I know it's wrong to get enjoyment out of pissing someone off but it thrilled me to no end, you'd get so fiery and on my case and-"

"You'd like it because of the passion" Quinn finished with a knowing nod, "I think that's part of what drew me to you in the first place"

"Exactly, and I'm not going to lie Quinn you are a very beautiful young woman and well that side of you? My teenage hormones ran away with me and I had to see less of Finn otherwise it would've been all too easy to..give in, thinking of you"

The blonde bit her lip at that.

"So you still haven't.."

Rachel shook her head.

"Lord knows how" she chuckled, "I just threw all my..energy into my work outs, needless to say my abs appreciate it but well, now I sort of know how your boyfriends felt"

Quinn couldn't help but snort. And then the mental images hit her.

"Fuck" she whispered to herself, she looked to the wide eyed brunette.

"You want to kiss me" she said breathlessly as she noticed Quinn's eyes dart to her lips again.

"Are you really that surprised after what you just shared with me?"

"I want to kiss you too, but I can't" Rachel sighed.

"Oh" Quinn said unable to disguise the sheer disappointment in her tone.

"Believe me it's not because I don't want to" the brunette quickly reassured, "I just don't want to lead you into thinking this can become something while I'm still with Finn. Clearly I need to speak with him and end the relationship, but even then I'm not going to be prepared to dive in head first with you, Quinn. You know how I am with these things; I throw myself in 150% and want to scream true love from a rooftop"

The girls shared a chuckle.

"And we need to talk some more, share things with each other. If we're both as serious as I think about this working then we **both **need to put in the full amount of effort, pull out all the stops. I know you're often more reserved but you've observed me for years, in more ways than I knew, but you know I like grand gestures and I'm never ashamed to tell people how I feel"

"I know you, in some ways" Quinn agreed, "and yes I am more reserved, Rach, but don't ever take that as me being ashamed of you. The only person I'm ashamed of is myself. I wish, god so much, that we weren't having this conversation right now. I wish I'd have been brave enough to tell you this years ago, I wish I'd spoken to you and befriended you that first day instead of throwing a slushie in your face before locking myself in this very bathroom to cry and hate myself for it" she shook her head and Rachel took her hand.

"Hey, it's better late than never. Don't you think?"

And when Rachel smiled at her she couldn't help but agree.

"Of course" she smiled back. "So, once you've sorted things out with Finn, how about you give me a call?"

"For that to happen, Quinn, I'd first have to actually have your phone number"

The blonde rolled her eyes at herself; figures the girl she's been in love with for years doesn't even have a means of contacting her.

She took the cell-phone being offered to her and quickly typed her details in to the contacts.

Rachel took back the phone and pressed call, Quinn's phone buzzed and she smiled as the girl before her did so.

"Hello" she answered playing along.

"Oh hi Quinn, it's Rachel"

"Rachel who?"

Quinn laughed as the brunette playfully swiped at her shoulder.

"Rachel Barbra Berry, it's very important that you remember that name" she grinned, "any way I was wondering, would you like to have lunch with me?"

"What about Finn?" the blonde asked as she ended the call, looking to the girl biting her lip.

"What about him?" she replied with a smile, "I was rather hoping this could be a private lunch occasion"

The blonde blushed and tucked a piece of hair behind her ear.

"Are you sure? Rachel I've waited this long I'm not going anywhere, I promise" she said giving her hand a gentle squeeze, "I'm not going to rush you, take your time"

"Quinn it's just lunch not a marriage proposal" Rachel laughed heartily.

**6 years later**

"What's going on, baby? Why am I blindfolded? Oh..are we trying something new, Quinn? You could just ask you don't have to be embarrassed"

The blonde chuckled at Rachel's open attitude to everything, and stored the idea of putting the blindfold to better use later that evening.

"We'll get to that later" she told her trying not to purr, "first I have something else for you"

"A new toy?"

"You are sucking all the romance out of this right now you know" Quinn snorted, "its not sexual, not this part"

"Oh" was her reply.

"You sound disappointed" she smiled and bit her lip, it was good to know after all the years that Rachel hadn't tired of her in the bedroom, and she hoped she never would.

She led her into the room they shared and quickly glanced around making sure that everything was in place, her hands clammed up and she hoped she was doing this the right way.

Had she remembered to scatter the petals? Yes they were everywhere, **everywhere.**

Was the wine chilling? Yep, there it sat in the ice bucket.

Blinds drawn and candles lit? Check and check.

The only to do now was..well first breathe and then remove Rachel's blindfold.

"Are you ready?" Quinn asked a slight waver to her voice.

"I always am when I'm with you"

"Surprise" she whispered as she gently untied the blindfold, she watched as the brunette's eyes flitted from the flickering candles to the box in the middle of the petal covered bed and then to her.

"Quinn" she breathed.

The blonde smiled before leading her to the bed, she reached for the small box before getting down on one knee and snapping it open.

"I'm not the big speech giver in our relationship" she smiled, "but I've been around you for a good part of my life – the best part – and I've heard many, so I'm going to try my best"

Rachel kissed her clammy shaking hand before nodding her to continue.

Quinn took a deep breath.

"I never thought I'd find my soul mate, let alone in high school, but I did. It took us time but after years of repression and lusting after you I finally had you, and I think it made me appreciate you that much more. I still wish now that I could take back all the horrible things I said and the ice cold slushies I tossed, but without them and my downfall that followed I don't think I could be here with you right now. I don't think I could have been the person to love you. Knowing who I'd been made me work so much harder to be who I wanted to be, the girl you deserved, and the girl that wanted you to love her. People say perfection doesn't exist, but Rach, you've always been the closest thing humanly possible"

A tear trickled from Rachel's left eye, a happy tear.

"The very first day I saw you in that disgustingly adorable sweater you had my heart" she chuckled. "I heard you sing and were convinced you were an angel, when I saw how easily you loved and forgave I was convinced you were more of a saint, and when your skirts got even shorter I sent both a middle finger and a thank you to whoever upstairs was listening"

Rachel laughed loudly, Quinn beaming up at her.

"That first day we had lunch together just solidified that we were meant to be. As we playfully argued over who got to pay for the first date I knew we were going to be together, after you kissed me for the first time-"

"I still think you kissed me" the brunette smirked.

"Details, after we kissed for the first time" the blonde grinned, "I knew I was a goner, I couldn't get enough"

"I remember" she giggled, "oh gosh I remember how mortified I was after my dad's caught us making out"

"We wouldn't of got caught if someone hadn't decided to back me up against the kitchen counter, knocking our glasses off in doing so"

"It was worth it" Rachel smirked, "and you weren't complaining"

"Of course I wasn't which brings me to my next point. After we made love for the first time I just felt..complete in a way I didn't know possible. It was like we were made for each other, Rachel" Quinn said gently.

"I was so glad I was your first, and though you weren't mine you were the first that **actually**** mattered.**I could go on for hours about how perfect you are and how much I love you but I'm trembling and my knee hurts from kneeling. Rachel Barbra Berry, will you marry me?"

"Yes" was all the brunette said before pulling her into a searing kiss.

"Wait" Quinn said breathlessly pulling away; she quickly slipped the delicate diamond onto the girl's ring finger before smiling down at her.

"Do you like it?" she asked shyly.

"I love it, I love you" Rachel whispered tucking a strand of her short blonde locks behind her ears.

"I ran us a bath..do you want to-"

The brunette shook her head and put a finger to her lips.

"The only thing I want – **need**- is for you to make love to me, forever"

"Forever? As much as I adore making love to you baby, we might get hungry. Or need the bathroom or-"

Rachel chuckled and put a hand over the smiling blonde's mouth.

"Smartass, now where'd you put that blindfold?"


End file.
